EMBRACE SECRET

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Nina had tried to fall asleep for about two hours but it was just impossible to close her eyelids. Chewing the last crumbs of her intense thoughts, she found the courage to throw off her blanket. Nina scanned the room, in an attempt to find a blank paper. She grabbed a pen and started killing the virginity of the white sheet.

‘Dear Adriel,

I got a candy cane present from my mother yesterday and it reminded me of you. It tasted like green apple. Actually I’ve been getting a lot of presents this Christmas and I’ve been thinking a lot about you, simply remembering that moment when you told me that each time we receive a gift from someone we owe them an embrace. Well, I pretended not to hear you, as a smile was sewn across my lips, allowing my mouth to speak in silence. But as we are used to hearing, silence and smiles are two very powerful words: smiling is the way to solve many problems, and silence the way to avoid just as many. Anyway, I do regret being silent. I have been acting like another me for a long time, betraying my feelings and keeping track of my emotions and it has been painful… I want to undo this paradox before it is too late. But as much as I try to spell the word ‘love’ I can’t because I’m in love… and when people are in love they don’t have to say it. They just have to look into each other’s eyes and they understand.

Once you told me that you wanted to be a child when you grew up. We were having art class and I could not find the drawing set. You said that if I were a child I would never forget the drawing set, because the colors are all that matter to children. Well, I’m telling you now what you have been waiting to hear since that day: I also want to be a child when I grow up.

Remember that what matters most to a little girl are chocolates and puppies, instead of what matters most for a grown-up woman, a man and a diamond ring. If you ever think to ask for my hand in marriage, bring me chocolate instead of a ring, because I already have the puppy…you.

Knowing you has been another reason to praise during my prayers. I hope God is not bored to see you so often in my thoughts, because the wall is tired of holding the picture of you during the cycle tour in Browntown last year. Staring at it several times a day makes me think how fragile the things of this world are, just like cycling laps that do not leave a trace in nature. Thus, I have been keeping a record of each moment we have had together. You should buy me some more pens. I don’t have an electronic version of it, because I fear the world ‘black out’ age.

My mentor told me to make sure that the fuel of passion was enough to finish my studies successfully, so I can win the right to be a part of Carnegie Mellon Academy staff. This is no longer an attractive thing for me. The only prize I would like to win is you, forasmuch as I’m racing. I don’t like unhappy endings, but if I have to lose, at least I tried. I don’t want to give you something that cost me nothing. Despite everything, I still owe you an embrace…’

Nina finished the letter, yet she was not sure whether it was a wise decision to send it. A hideous thought lingered on the corner of her mind for a while. Now, she really knew what to do…

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